This Standard Scottish Life

Is it safe? I whisper to Le Chef.

I think so.  Let’s go now.

We get up toute d’suite and run, run, run to the supermarket to get supplies for the week.

Hurry up Le Chef, hurry up.  Some of them might come out early.  Quick.

We zoom round the supermarket and scurry home, close the door and lock it.  We are safe.

This scene occurs every Sunday morning at Chez nous.  The bells of that hulking great scaffold covered cathedral on Palmerston Place toll to advise the Christians to get on the pews for their weekly soul saving.  But given that Scottish Christians are just as lazy as Scottish agnostics / anaesthisists atheistists atheists / trainee buddhists, they leave getting to the church on time til the last moment.  This means the streets are unsafe as Christian cars career towards places of worship.   One must time ones shopping accordingly and only venture out between the calling to church bells and the get oot your saved for another week but please try be good and not do that thing that you know you shouldn’t do and don’t shout at the telly either coz that’s not nice exit bells.

If you do not live within earshot of christian bells I recommend you do your shopping online otherwise you may meet your maker while merely trying to procure your Sunday luncheon.

You know those billboards that have the really bad I’m a PC adverts on them?

No, mutters Le Chef.  Clearly I’ve interrupted him at a key moment in the defeat of The Gauls at the hand of Agrippa.

Well, it’s Microsoft’s response to the I’m a Mac advert.  I think it’s really really lame and should be renamed I’m a PC and I need to get a new ad agency coz they are trying to be smart and they are not very imaginative stealing Mac’s ideas … I am outraged … blah … bloody Microsoft …. blah ….. Bill Gates … blah I’m ragin’ blah …. [time passes - rant continues].

So it works then.

What?  Whadja mean they work?

You noticed the ad. That’s the point of advertising.  To get you to notice.

Harrumph.  The evil PC overlords have tricked me.  I power up my two Macs and my iTouch and a Shuffle just to be sure, to prepare my response.

Wot we spent on buying food:

The store cupboard becomes bare.  Supplies required.  It’s off to the supermarket we go.

£19.03 Total so far for this week £19.03 and overall Project Frugal £47.94

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• cappuccino
• OJ
• 2 slices of toast
• bratwurst sandwich
• exotic drink of lemon, grenadine and sugar
• roast squash, potato salad, mushy peas (yum), bratwurst
• exotic drink adapted into amazing cure for the cold: lemon, sugar, hot water, ibuprofen

Reflections on frugality

I grow weary of Project Frugal but forge on regardless [sigh].

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.99 Total so far for Project Frugal £28.91. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches.  

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• cheese, jamon and lettuce sandwich and three tomatoes
• water and lots of it
• tea and biscuit (free at The Architect’s House.  I have become increasingly confident at just inviting myself around to friend’s house as a means of keep the project’s outgoings down.  If I arrive at your house unexpectedly you’ll know what to do).
• huge feed at the Chinese restaurant (expenses for the eating out are not part of Project Frugal)
• a million chocolate eclairs

Reflections on frugality

Week 1 of Project Frugal is over and I believe twas moderately successful.  We spent a grand total of £28.91 on food all week, although I expect the truth is closer to £50 due to Le Chef’s expensive sandwiches that he doesn’t tell me about.

Still, savings could be made.  There’s no need to be buying huge meringues, chocolate eclairs, cola and sandwiches for lunch.  Tea and Sympathy was an extravagance but a necessary one.  I reckon you could get it down to about £20.

Only five days in and Project Frugal is derailing.  This is due to:

• certain members of the Project Frugal team not entering into the true spirit of the endeavor
  • Le Chef! What’s that bottle of cola doing here?  That’s an unnecessary extravagance! What’s wrong with drinking water? I have not drunk any of it as I have self control (well at least a little) unlike some people.
• An emergency which required immediate abandonment of all frugality.
  • OMG! Fraulein Direktor’s bicycle was stolen today.  She was rightly traumatised by the loss of the beloved commuting bike.  Appropriate application of tea and sympathy was administered.  Well, not tea and sympathy but more coffee, rhubarb tart and empire biscuits and sympathy too.
• the threat of inappropriate recycling of leftovers
  • Oh Le Chef,  you didn’t eat your porridge.
  • No but I put it in the pasta sauce.
  • We’re having porridge pasta for tea?  I’m off to the chippie!

Wot we spent on buying food:

£10.70 Total so far for Project Frugal £23.87. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches.  Full disclosure is not forthcoming.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino (not Le Chef)
• porridge (not Le Chef)
• macchiato empire biscuit as part of tea and sympathy
• salami, jarlsberg and salsa sandwich
• chocolate raisins (free. Thanks Flora)
• decaf coffee (free. thanks work)
• hot chocolate (free. thanks work)
• porridge pasta.  Actually Le Chef he did pull my leg about putting porridge in the pasta sauce.  But the pasta sauce did contain the bean stew that I couldn’t finish last night.  In fact the pasta sauce tasted like chili con carne without the carne bit.  I did ask why we didn’t have it on rice only to learn that there is no rice left.  Shopping list then…
• water and lots of it
• white tea with camomile and cinnamon (free. Thanks Imelda)
• carrot cake (free. Thanks Dr Soapbox)
• tea type tea (Free. Thanks Gussie and Roderick)

Reflections on frugality

I was secretly hoping for a fluffy cheese and tomato omlette for tea tonight but the ongoing saga of the recycled bean stew continues.  Tis getting tastier.

Just buy the ruddy oats!

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.00 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches but on the other hand I am particularly frugal.  This is because I am 100% Scottish and Le Chef is only half Scottish.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• black coffee (thanks work)
• free macchiato and free italian biscuit.  Thanks Boss!
• My lunch was a jamon (that’s Spanish for jam eh .. I mean ham), cheese and lettuce sandwich and three little tomatoes.  Are you noticing a certain pattern to breakfast and lunch?
• decaf coffee (thanks work)
• hot chococlate (thanks work)
• green tea
• water and lots of it
• that thing Le Chef made last night has morphed into something else.  There is some chorizo in there now that he found at the back of the fridge and there’s definitely more beans.  The taste is very good now.
• two polo mints pinched from Le Chef when he wasn’t looking.  I first learned to pinch my papa’s polos when I was only five.

Reflections on frugality

This having others pay for your food and drinks is a great lark. I wonder if I can get it to extend to a huge  plate of free sashimi and 2 free bottles of Asahi.   Free drinks can be hazardous and lead to over indulgence on caffeine.

The porridge problem has not been resolved.  Someone is going to get a smack.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.00 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17 however Le Chef, who is incapable of advising me in advance if he wants me to prepare delicious, yummy sandwiches no doubt spent extravagant amounts on some dry old bread thing at work.  He will not disclose how much exchanged hands.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• I had another cappucino with Fraulein Direktor while we discussed very very important work type stuff.  She bought the cappucino, so no cost to me.  And this gave me a cunning idea.  If I can get all my friends to buy me or make me food then Project Frugal will never have any outgoings.  Send food parcels everyone!
• My lunch was a jamon (that’s Spanish for jam eh .. I mean ham), cheese and lettuce sandwich and three little tomatoes.  My sandwich was prepared by my own fair paw.  Le Chef – gawd only knows what he had or how much it cost.  Harumph!
• green tea
• water and lots of it due to furious spin class with Captain Awesome
• another Le Chef prepared culinary delight of curious origin twas served ce soir.  It was quite good.  It looked like it had beans and potatoes and carrots in it.  It perhaps even had parsnips in there too. I thought my tea lacked a certain something so I stirred in mango chutney which as everyone knows is just middle class tomato ketchup.  The meal’s tastiness improved somewhat in a strange exotic fruit way.  I recommend putting mango chutney on everything.
  • Uninteresting factoid: the French regard the parsnip with disdain.  They only feed it to their horses.  A terribly waste I say, Terrible waste.  And I thought they knew something about food.
• Le Chef is still stuffing himself with Kershy Hisses.  They were a food parcel from Umerica so no purchase necessary.

Reflections on frugality

Oh dear, oh dear.  Off the wagon already.   This is no good.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£3.98 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• bacon sarnie & fried egg sarnie
• OJ
• Cappucino
• a peculiar meal of rice and something else which seemed to be vegetables and tasted a bit vinegary to me.  When I went into the kitchen later I saw the aftermath of the preparations for the peculiar meal.  The aftermath did not shine any light on what my tea was but there were big knives everywhere and a wok and vinegar.  While making our tea I can only think that Le Chef was distracted by The Archers or some shouty politician on Radio 4.
• green tea
• water
• huge meringue (mine was raspberry)
• Le Chef seemed to also eat an alarming number of Hershey Kisses without offering any to me.  But I don’t care coz Hershey Kisses are evil.  And I believe they have a laxative effect.  That’ll teach him!

Reflections on frugality

Last night, knowing that Project Frugal was about to commence the following day, moi et Le Chef ate steak.  There will be little or no meat during Project Frugal. Plain chocolate digestive biscuits were scoffed.  There will little or no sweet treats during Project Frugal unless I take up baking.  Mmmmm cupcakes.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£9.19  Total so far for Project Frugal £9.19

Wot we bought:

• OJ (3 x 0.69)
• Litre of semi-skinned (0.95)
• Garlic (0.59)
• Lemons (0.59)
• Onions (0.69)
• Potatoes (0.69)
• Leeks (0.64)
• Passata (0.44)
• Butternut squash (0.28)
• Mushy peas (0.17)
• Olives (0.59)
• Parsnips (0.49)
• Wholemeal bread (0.89)

Wot we ate:

• BLT sarnies
• OJ
• Cappucino
• Fresh tomato sauce with pasta
• Fried potatoes with onions and garlic
• Mint tea
• Water 

Reflections on frugality

Porridge. Budget food of kings.