… en vacance. Or rather I was en vacance but my francais does not extend to past participle-ishness. I was en vacance up a big hill in France struggling to catch my breath before launching myself downhill fast on two planks of wood.
While up the big hill in France I learned three new words thereby extending my French vocabulary to 3 verbs (two of which are irregular) 15 nouns and an adjective. Fluency approaches. More of these words another time.
I have been invited to give a talk at a local Rotary Club about my cycling trip across America. I am beyond excitement about being asked. I feel quite grown up now. And it’s another chance to show off / be smuggish (which is not very grown up at all).
And then I started wondering what sort of organisation The Rotary Club is, and the Wikipedia (it must be true then eh?) said they were all round good eggs and do lots of charity stuff. I raised £666 (yes I know!) for Arthritis Research on my trip so I think that’s why they are asking me.
My only slight concern is whether there is any rivalry between such good egg type clubs. Will they let me in to their Club rooms if I tell them that I was hanging out with Freemasons in Maine? I did. I really did. (The Masons are much less controversial in Umerica than here and they actually come out on to the street).
I like porridge. I like porridge a lot. I like it coz it’s one of the few things I can cook well. I can also cook bacon rolls, a medium rare steak and fresh tomato sauce quite well. Pretty nifty on the deep fried Mars Bar too. I hardly starve.
So I eat porridge every weekday for breakfast. No porridge consumed on the weekend unless cycling is required.
I also eat Stoatie Bars lots too. They’re kinda like hard porridge but with bits in them like macadamia nuts, raspberries, goji berries (yuch to healthy).
Sometimes I get oaty biscuits as snacks.
Porridge, oats, oatmeal. Yum.
And now there is porridge soap. And of course I have some. It’s vegan don’t you know but not so good to eat.
the lovely Polar CS300 heart monitor with integrated bicycle computer, satellite dish and onboard microwave oven. This charming device informs me that I am morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead. Really must learn how to use it properly
new plimsols for the gym. They are as light as a feather.
All I need to do now is start. But … oh … I think I need to do some dusting and perhaps take up the hem on my jeans and wash the windows and read this book on Meta Maths …
Maintenant, while regarding Le RueShow de les Antiques, je porte les boots de ski in prepartion pour nos vacances (moi et Fraulein Direktor) a Val Thorens. Les boots de ski crush mes veaux (arf arf) tres mauvais. C’est tragique n’est ce pas? C’est tres importante a porter les boots de ski avant les vacances de ski parce-que to remind oneself that one has to suffer pour le sport. Mais un vin chaud or cinq toujours makes it plus meilleur.
Do you pense that I’ll be allowed in to Le France given my high skill in their langue?
Ah, le Babel poission dit that le mot francais pour “Ouch” is “Aie” and je pensed “Aie” was le mot pour garlic. Ail droit!
Conditioning. Conditioning is the key to successful cycle training.
My book also says things like Periodisation, Neuromuscular Recruitment Patterns and Substrate Utilisation but I don’t like to look at those pages coz … well … on those pages are vary scary graphs mostly going straight up.
In yea olden days conditioning was called stamina. And I am now in training to be more stamina-ed (stamina-ished?) on my bicycle for the preparation of L’Etape du Caledonian.
I love conditioning, it is the most easy of exercise. The conditioning program goes something like this:
attach heart monitor to cyclist in training (that’s me)
sit on sofa
complete 20 minute warm up by reading the cartoons and travel section of The Guardian newspaper
on completing warm up read chapter in cycle training book on conditioning for 4 minutes keeping heart rate below 150 beats per minute (bpm). If heart rate goes over 150 bpm stop reading and stare into space for a wee bit til heart rate recovers
repeat number 4 above three times for a full conditioning work out
warm down for 20 minutes by watching Neighbours
nutrition is an important component of the conditioning training regime so within 10 minutes of completing warm down be sure to intake appropriate carbohydrates and protein (ham and cheese sandwich and some chocolate) and of course it’s important to balance electrolytes (i.e. drink quite a lot of beer which is a well know electrolyte balancer). NB the conditioning workout leads to considerable fatigue so the cyclist in training should have others prepare their post workout nutrition.
There was one, a burning, on Hogmanay (that’s New Year’s Eve to all you non-Scotchish people) at Chez Imelda. The burning was facilitated by Dr D and his brassiere brazier. Old plants, sawings, pallets, garden furniture, champagne corks and precious antiques were all put to the flame.
There was almost a drowning too. In the canal at 2am. Due to prosecco-enabled-staggering by moi et Le Chef.
Twas a good year for me, that 2008 year. I got to skive off work for four months, cycle across Umerica and get fit. I also discovered the delights of porridge and mushy peas. A perfect year.
But the cycling thing lead to some unattractive smugness and as my porridge and mushy pea intake increased the fitness fell away and the pounds they did gain. So for 2009 I resolve to:
