This Standard Scottish Life

…. there’s a mouse in our house!

Sorry I can’t type any more coz I’m standing on the sofa (a la Tom & Jerry) balancing this laptop as I type.

“Tttthhhhoooommmmmasssss!“

…. a foot ?

Barely awake foot

Naked, yet washed foot

Clothed foot. The Foot of Champions

Breakfast foot. Yum.

Foot with boot ….

Foot tae work

… White man in Hammersmith Palais is.

… this week is bummage.  This is a new word to me and it was invented by Gus.  I believe it means “that’s a bit of a nuisance really“.  For example:

Sandy said, “Gussie, our favourite chocolate shop has gone into liquidation”

“Bummage!” Gussie shrieked

However, bummage means something quite different in the urban dictionary!

Ah … you didn’t know I could speak Russian did you ? We’ll I can’t except for wodka but babelfish is pretty good at it! So, you’ll recall my fondness for Les chiens d’espace (no it is not a model of car). While poodling around (arf arf) I came across the lovely posters of the space pooches Belka and Strelka. Look at them. How heroic and Soviet are they ? Look at their fetching space suits / straight jackets. The both survived and have been preserved (yeuch) and can be visited in museums in Rusky. Hurrah for the brave Les chiens d’espace..

… coz I have been busy doing this.   Look at the lovely colours.  Look at the stylish use of the style sheets.  My goodness there’s even a photo widget doo-daa and a very badly laid out Google map.  Very soon their will be a PHP or Javascript countdown thingie.  I am indeed wise in the way of tech.  Anyone wanna upgrade from blogger to WordPress or need a new website design ?  My fees are reasonable (i.e. wine and chocolate).

I was on the bus. There was a skinhead on the bus. How did I know he was a skinhead ?

• he had a skinhead
• he had Doc Martins on
• he had tight jeans on
• he had a black bomber jacket on

or maybe I knew he was a skinhead coz he had Lambretta tattoo-ed on the side of his head.

… poor TSSL neglected as usual while its owner is off obsessing about other things. This past month I have mostly been:

• reading absolutely everything about and by Truman Capote. He’s my new favourite author, he is so terribly funny and nasty. And he was short. And had a fetching line in hats. And documented, and no doubt enhanced everything anyone ever said to him, for example, one day when he was chatting to Marilyn Monroe and she called Queen Elizabeth the Second a cunt – which of course I thought was quite priceless. Hmmmm …. sorry about the c**t sweary word but we like to court controversy on TSSL and it also allows me to tag this post with sex which of course can only improve my Google rankings. And I did think it was funny and especially what she went on to say about Prince Philip & Errol Flynn.
• getting all sorts of nasty stains on my lovely new silk scarf. It is the coolest scarf in the world coz it’s of Maurice by Andy Warho (“it’s Warhol actually” – yes thanks for that Mr Bowie, f-off now). I should explain about the stains ….. or maybe I should leave it to your imagination. Yes, your imagination is probably better, I’ll just say one word on the stains though …. oil and not of the petroleum type. If you are brave enough to ask me about the stains I can assure you that the explanation is less exciting the image you have just conjured up in your head.
• going to Roma and stuffing ourselves on pasta and scooping Prosecco and eating cannoli. As I recall we also saw some old falling down walls and the Pope’s hoose (but it was closed I can only assume he was out shopping for Prada loafers).

• searching and finding my long lost brother Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni
• preparing a lovely (well I think it’s lovely) website for my TransAmerica cycle trip. No you’re not getting to see it yet. You know how sensitive artistes are about their works in progress

The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form doesn’t have an entry for libraries or librarians.  I have made one that can define both terms.  Should I submit it for consideration ?

In libr’ries there’s lots of stuff

there’s some books, and some mags and some fluff

librarians who shout

and then throw you out

if you visit whilst eatin’ a cream puff

Not so much a world of the week but an entire dictionary of words for the week.  It is the The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form (OEDILF).   Hurrah for the daft people of the internet, we bow to their Omnificence (even though they don’t have a limerick for omnificence and as a result I don’t know what it means but I’m sure omnificent things need bowing at and a certain level of grovelling on the floor to show a lack of worthiness ?)
My favouritest ones are for that fine Scottish word ach and of course the Apple computer (I promise I won’t mention the A word again for a while – well at least until my next post).