Posted by Sandy | Posted in whimsy | Posted on 31-12-2008
Twas a good year for me, that 2008 year. I got to skive off work for four months, cycle across Umerica and get fit. I also discovered the delights of porridge and mushy peas. A perfect year.
But the cycling thing lead to some unattractive smugness and as my porridge and mushy pea intake increased the fitness fell away and the pounds they did gain. So for 2009 I resolve to:
Posted by Sandy | Posted in food, shopping, whimsy | Posted on 07-12-2008
Is it safe? I whisper to Le Chef.
I think so. Let’s go now.
We get up toute d’suite and run, run, run to the supermarket to get supplies for the week.
Hurry up Le Chef, hurry up. Some of them might come out early. Quick.
We zoom round the supermarket and scurry home, close the door and lock it. We are safe.
This scene occurs every Sunday morning at Chez nous. The bells of that hulking great scaffold covered cathedral on Palmerston Place toll to advise the Christians to get on the pews for their weekly soul saving. But given that Scottish Christians are just as lazy as Scottish agnostics / anaesthisistsatheistists atheists / trainee buddhists, they leave getting to the church on time til the last moment. This means the streets are unsafe as Christian cars career towards places of worship. One must time ones shopping accordingly and only venture out between the calling to church bells and the get oot your saved for another week but please try be good and not do that thing that you know you shouldn’t do and don’t shout at the telly either coz that’s not niceexit bells.
If you do not live within earshot of christian bells I recommend you do your shopping online otherwise you may meet your maker while merely trying to procure your Sunday luncheon.
Posted by Sandy | Posted in whimsy | Posted on 03-12-2008
You know those billboards that have the really bad I’m a PC adverts on them?
No, mutters Le Chef. Clearly I’ve interrupted him at a key moment in the defeat of The Gauls at the hand of Agrippa.
Well, it’s Microsoft’s response to the I’m a Mac advert. I think it’s really really lame and should be renamed I’m a PC and I need to get a new ad agency coz they are trying to be smart and they are not very imaginative stealing Mac’s ideas … I am outraged … blah … bloody Microsoft …. blah ….. Bill Gates … blah I’m ragin’ blah …. [time passes - rant continues].
So it works then.
What? Whadja mean they work?
You noticed the ad. That’s the point of advertising. To get you to notice.
Harrumph. The evil PC overlords have tricked me. I power up my two Macs and my iTouch and a Shuffle just to be sure, to prepare my response.
£0.00 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches but on the other hand I am particularly frugal. This is because I am 100% Scottish and Le Chef is only half Scottish.
Wot we bought:
nothing, nada, zero. Except the above, the misbehaving Le Chef.
Wot we should have bought but didn’t:
porridge oats
Wot we ate:
OJ
Cappuccino
porridge
black coffee (thanks work)
free macchiato and free italian biscuit. Thanks Boss!
My lunch was a jamon (that’s Spanish for jam eh .. I mean ham), cheese and lettuce sandwich and three little tomatoes. Are you noticing a certain pattern to breakfast and lunch?
decaf coffee (thanks work)
hot chococlate (thanks work)
green tea
water and lots of it
that thing Le Chef made last night has morphed into something else. There is some chorizo in there now that he found at the back of the fridge and there’s definitely more beans. The taste is very good now.
two polo mints pinched from Le Chef when he wasn’t looking. I first learned to pinch my papa’s polos when I was only five.
Reflections on frugality
This having others pay for your food and drinks is a great lark. I wonder if I can get it to extend to a huge plate of free sashimi and 2 free bottles of Asahi. Free drinks can be hazardous and lead to over indulgence on caffeine.
The porridge problem has not been resolved. Someone is going to get a smack.
Posted by Sandy | Posted in kultchur, whimsy | Posted on 28-09-2008
I am so very very sick of the TV. I am sick of shouting at the BBC news everyday. It’s SHOITE. I am sick of shouting at the TV schedule full of shocking, brain rotting drivel. I am tuning into YouTube permanently where there is superior quality programming.
Beware you may find these vids as offensive as Strictly Come Dancingand there’s some sweary swearyness in the second one.
It’s very late. Very, very late. Or maybe it’s not late but very, very early. All I know is that it is very, very something and it’s quite unpleasant.
But my nation has called upon me and I will tolerate the very, very and the quite unpleasant to assist in the presentation of all things Skotchish. This may take me beyond the pale over the border, on the red eye to Lundyn but, for you my MaBroonLand, I will do this. Just this once mind. I expect recompense you know! Payment in porridge will do.
NB this post was just an excuse to show off my slowly developing photoshop skills.
Posted by Sandy | Posted in whimsy | Posted on 16-09-2008
A banana or 25 million
Oh yes we are.
Bananas.
We Pedaled for Scotland from Glasgow to Edinburgh, and not liking the route or the masses of bad cyclists wiggling all over the road, we detoured onto Cycle Route 75.
Then when we arrived at the Finish line we had to sneak in as if we had come on the proper route.
Posted by Sandy | Posted in whimsy | Posted on 15-09-2008
Today is a day-off day in Skotchland. Well, not all of Skotchland has the day off. Just those of us in Edinburgh. I have been most productive on my day-off day. I have:
cleaned, polished and oiled Haggis (the bike, not the pudding) and Fraulein Direktor’s bike (which remains nameless)
cleaned and oiled the worktops
done the shopping
Le Chef became somewhat suspicious of my over activity. I think he realised that if he did not distract me, I would then start poking the piles of CDs and books and suggest that it was time for them to be recycled. Therefore he took me to the Tracy Emin exhibition at the art gallery. I only agreed to go coz a) I get in for free coz I work at major kultchooral institution ANDb) there’s a good coffee shop at the gallery.
There were some blankets that Tracey had stitched. They were quite nice. I liked them. There were some drawings. Ms Emin can’t draw for toffee but then, neither can I. Some writings with photos and pictures which were interesting. There was some screaming from a video. I’m not sure what that was about. Tracey, seems like an interesting gal. I’d like to go down the pub and get drunk with her and then go on national TV. Oh? She’s done that already.
Note to Gussie: none of Tracey’s pants were exhibited.
And then we went to the coffee shop. It was the usual hellish, middle class, hell. All wimen with buggies bagging the seats before ordering. H. E. L. L. We ran from the building and ran across the road to the far superior, upperclass tearoom at the Dean Gallery where polenta cake was scoffed.
PS I have decided to retire as an art critic coz … eh … I know nothing of art. But, I do know what I like … and that is tuck at the art gallery tea room.
Posted by Sandy | Posted in whimsy | Posted on 11-09-2008
News has reached me that the Fraulein Direktor has secured a garage. Not like a BP garage, rather a garage for putting a car in. Except that Fraulein Direktor doesn’t have a car. I have some useful suggestions as to what one might do with a garage:
have a grrrls party. Grrrls will dress up in overalls, smear oil on their overalls and hands, discuss car engines (should be a brief discussion e.g. What’s a car engine? Where is it? Oil? What’s that for?), drink super lager, discuss burds (Those pigeons, they need shooting. Did you see the tits on that robin, how red were they! Whorr!), belch, fart.
