… White man in Hammersmith Palais is.
The Beginners Big Book of Buddhism [as lent to me by Hotboy] says …
Life is suffering (Yes I knew that. I suffer going to work. I suffer only having 24 hours in the day. I suffer coz Le Chef is playing Rome Total War again on MY computer (well it is our computer but mostly it is mine!). I suffer coz I have run out of Neutrogina Norwegian Paw cream and my paws are sore from digging and bashing and poking at the allotment. Oh wo is me. Wo Is Me Oh! ME WO IS OH! This suffering is almost as bad as being crucified (I feel a smite coming on).
Aparrently, according to the BBBofB I can cure myself of all this suffering if I follow a thing called the eight-fold path.
[MunchkinVoice]
Follow the 8-fold path
Follow the 8-fold path
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the 8-fold path
We’re off to see the Buddha, the wonderful Buddha of bhodi
[/MunchkinVoice]
The Eight-Fold path stateth:
- Is Right viewpoint (i.e. knowing that you are suffering). See above. I know it. Look at my paws – they are red and suffering.
- Is Right growth (i.e.Commitment to mental and ethical growth in moderation). Yes, I am doing this too. I am moderately commited to mental growth through regular reading of Imelda MacKillop’s copies of The National Enquirer. And I have an allotment and a bicycle so that’s quite ethical [or maybe that's just quite middle class - oh the angst, oh the suffering of middle classness]
- Is Right actions (i.e. wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm). Does eating wholemeal bread count as a wholesome action ? And today at the allotment I didn’t bash the slugs I just lobbed them over the shed into the rubbish heap – I didn’t hear them shriek when they landed so I don’t think I did them any harm
- Is Right Speech (i.e. one speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way). Oh for goodness sake, not exaggerated??? That’s ridiculous. This path is impossible to achieve.
I propose …. to alleviate all this suffering that one should follow Sandyha’s special short cut one-fold path
- Is Right winning (i.e. winning £20 million on the Lottery). This will lead to packing in the suffering of work, buying lots of Neutrogina hand cream and
salving the poor paws and going on a giant spending spree (shopping relieves all suffering dontcha know) but ensuring you keep back some cash to bribe the Buddha (or your own favourite diety) so you can skip paths 4 to 8 and go directly to Nirvana.
Unfortunately I was unable to follow the one-fold path this week due to some inconsiderate random number generator not randomly generating the right numbers on my ticket. Bloody computers! But never mind coz it is a £64 million EuroMillions rollover on Friday! Surely it will be me, surely.
…. but wait, before we discuss Where’s me bike ? let’s first wonder Where’s me tea ? (that’s tea as in dinner not tea as in tea). I am sitting here on the couch with a rumbling tum and crashing sugar levels and Where’s me tea ? Le Chef has buggered off to Lundun for some meeting and left me to fend for myself. I wonder if I can hold out til he comes home at 9pm otherwise I’ll have to bloody cook something and boy am I sick of f**king courgettes and marrows. Hmmmm …. a takeaway me thinks.
But anyway … back to Where’s me bike ? Moi et Le Chef went for a very jolly jolly to Amsterdam this weekend. Twas most fun and involved eating Indonesian food while watching Le Chef pick out the peanuts (he’d get that anaphalactic shock thingie if he ate one), drinking beer, eating Maoz falafel (it is the best, bestest falafel ever and they even have an outlet in Barca now), drinking beer, wolfing the most huge amount of Mexican food ever and drinking margaritas .. oh yes and some shopping too. And of course no decriminalized drugs were partaken of . And neither did we visit the red light district . (Great I managed to wangle a sex angle to the post so can appropriately categ
orize it thus – surely my Google rating must be increasing).
On the way to the station I noticed a multi-storey bicycle park. How the hell do you find your bike ? All Dutch bikes look the same. If you shout at a Dutch bike, will it reply back ?
… well just the princess actually. And the princess is me, reclining on our brand new futon matress of such depthness and fluffliness and comfortablyness and I’mNotGettingOutOfBedness every again. It’s only 7pm but I’m off to bed now.
… for the person who has everything. Nothing!
