This Standard Scottish Life

Slips on Film Critic hat.  

Beware spoilers below.

Went to the cinema.  I am quite the cinematic type person now coz I am being trained at work how to do video-ing and editing and storyboarding and throwing tantrums in a Barbra Streisand stylee.   My favourite thing to do is tantrum throw and edit.  I am hoping to get the the letters B.S.C. (British Society of Cinematographers) after my name.  Oh … eh … I already have those letters after my name. Hmmm.  Aaaaanyyyway, I went to the cinema ….

… to see The Reader.  With Kate Winslet, Ralph (don’t call me Ralph call me Raaaayyffff) Feinnes, Hitler Bruno Gantz and a boy. Well I didn’t go with these people to the cinema obviously, they were in the film.  I was eager to go see this film coz it has Nazis in it.  I do like a Nazi.  Well, not really, of course.  I don’t really like Nazis but I like them in films in the way that I like Daleks, serial killers and zombies.  Must stop now before I put foot any further in mouth.

So …. here it is ….

Synopsis:  don’t shag illiterate Nazis coz it will end in tears and a rope round someone’s neck

Cinematography: oh I seemed to have missed that so busy was I looking at Kate Winslet’s makeup

Characterisation: Miss Winslet played Nazi well (not Oscar nomination worthy though) and got deserved come-uppence.  Mr Feinnes was as pained and painful as ever, Hitler Bruno Gantz didn’t do any shouting and didn’t even have a proper German access (he’s Swiss don’t u know) and the boy was the star of the show.

Was The Guardian review correct?  I think three stars is more like it.

Next week: Slumdog millionnaire ……

There was one, a burning, on Hogmanay (that’s New Year’s Eve to all you non-Scotchish people) at Chez Imelda.  The burning was facilitated by Dr D and his brassiere brazier.  Old plants, sawings, pallets, garden furniture, champagne corks and precious antiques were all put to the flame.

There was almost a drowning too.  In the canal at 2am.  Due to prosecco-enabled-staggering by moi et Le Chef.

Oh dear, oh dear.  Off the wagon already.   This is no good.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£3.98 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• bacon sarnie & fried egg sarnie
• OJ
• Cappucino
• a peculiar meal of rice and something else which seemed to be vegetables and tasted a bit vinegary to me.  When I went into the kitchen later I saw the aftermath of the preparations for the peculiar meal.  The aftermath did not shine any light on what my tea was but there were big knives everywhere and a wok and vinegar.  While making our tea I can only think that Le Chef was distracted by The Archers or some shouty politician on Radio 4.
• green tea
• water
• huge meringue (mine was raspberry)
• Le Chef seemed to also eat an alarming number of Hershey Kisses without offering any to me.  But I don’t care coz Hershey Kisses are evil.  And I believe they have a laxative effect.  That’ll teach him!

Reflections on frugality

Haggis! I cry.  Haggis. Oh my God, Le Chef,  look there is Haggis with the baggage handlers.  Haggis! HAGGIS!    I am distraught.  I weep into my Executive Class G&T.

For those of you who don’t know, Haggis is not a Scotchish pudding made of lamb lung, bits o’ balls, stuffed in a stomach and butchered on Burns Night.  Well … OK …a Haggis is that but Le Vrai Haggis is my bicycle that took me across America.  You should really try and keep up people! C’mon now!

We are in the plane at Heathrow (a.k.a Hellrow) waiting to leave to go to Edinburgh.  I can see Haggis in her bag outside the plane on a baggage truck.  The baggage handlers seem to be reluctant to put her in the plane and Oh no! They are taking her away.  I shout,  Yes, this IS THE PLANE.  Just put the ruddy thing IN THIS PLANE.  But they don’t hear me and they drive away with Haggis towards an Aeroflot jet.  Haggis is off to the Gulag.  She was a good bicycle, only two punctures and some knackered ball bearings.  Doesn’t really deserve the Ivan Denisovich treatment.

I glug down a vodka.