… said the spam email I received in my mailbox yesterday.  Hmmm I thought, I know spam makes you fat and at work I eat donuts and muffins sometimes.  I do walk up and down 120 stairs everyday so I expect that cancels out the cakes.

And then at work today an email came to DL-All users (i.e Distribution List to all staff in major cultural institution) that said The closest Weightwatchers classes to work are [list of places].  So clearly our HR manager thinks that work makes you fat and we’re all a bunch of porkers.  What a bloody cheek!  Next time I see the HR manager coming into work with a big pie I’ll be asking And how many Weightwatcher points is that then ?    

Yum! Geddit ?

Flossy as Hotboy’s agent

Flossy in party gear

I was thinking that I really need to increase the readership on ThisStandardScottishLife coz it seems that Gussie, Hotboy and that Dirty, dirty burro are the only visitors. Those spam robots don’t even come – I think they mostly hang out a RaBlissBlog. How can people’s life not be complete with out reading my highbrow insights into … eh … the mess that is the inside of my head. Maybe I am aiming too high, perhaps I need to dumb down TSSL ? But can it get any dumber ? Oh yes it can!
So, maybe I can get it so dumb that there are only photos of dumb animals.

So here goes ….

Sheep we have loved and / or eaten. This is Flossy the Arran sheep. She was quite dumb. Me and The Cyclist captured her while on a tour of the island. She gave a nice chop. Is that dumb enuf ?

Latest news, latest news part 1

While only mildly inebriated last night I hung out the bedroom Velux window, sextant, telescope and compass in paw to check out my lucky star/geostationary satellite. And lo … I can confirm that it is a star …. the Pole star. These Polish folks are everywhere now. Even in the heavens. Is God Polish ? If so, I think I met him at the check out in LIDL.

Latest news, latest news part 2

Tonight when I arrived home from work, having gone via Beat the clock at Fisher’s with Le Chef, there was the lovely Fagpuss galavanting on the door step trying to look cute and fluffy and cadging a fag as usual. I am so pleased he doesn’t have the feline lung cancer. And thanks to everyone that wrote in with their concern about Fagpuss’s absence … that is all none of you! Why do I bother ? No one else cares about poor Fagpuss [pout].
[excellent: four mentions of Fagpuss ... oh five now ... in one post. I will be queen of the Google Fagpuss rankings (eh ... six) once again]

fagpuss, Fagpuss, FagPuss, FAGPUSS,

FAAAAAGPOOOOOOUUUUSSSS!!

… here is one of many reasons why you shouldn’t eat non-free range, non-organic chickens.  Hmmm that’s kinda but me off my KFC bucket meal.

…. but wait, before we discuss Where’s me bike ? let’s first wonder Where’s me tea ? (that’s tea as in dinner not tea as in tea). I am sitting here on the couch with a rumbling tum and crashing sugar levels and Where’s me tea ? Le Chef has buggered off to Lundun for some meeting and left me to fend for myself. I wonder if I can hold out til he comes home at 9pm otherwise I’ll have to bloody cook something and boy am I sick of f**king courgettes and marrows. Hmmmm …. a takeaway me thinks.

But anyway … back to Where’s me bike ? Moi et Le Chef went for a very jolly jolly to Amsterdam this weekend. Twas most fun and involved eating Indonesian food while watching Le Chef pick out the peanuts (he’d get that anaphalactic shock thingie if he ate one), drinking beer, eating Maoz falafel (it is the best, bestest falafel ever and they even have an outlet in Barca now), drinking beer, wolfing the most huge amount of Mexican food ever and drinking margaritas .. oh yes and some shopping too. And of course no decriminalized drugs were partaken of . And neither did we visit the red light district . (Great I managed to wangle a sex angle to the post so can appropriately categorize it thus – surely my Google rating must be increasing).

On the way to the station I noticed a multi-storey bicycle park. How the hell do you find your bike ? All Dutch bikes look the same. If you shout at a Dutch bike, will it reply back ?

… like bash cake dough. It’s a traditional thing to smack the dough with a bigger hammer. Me thinks this is a makey-up tradition to make the tourists look daft.

Got bloat ? Maybe it’s a dog in your large intestine ?

While googling how to spell colossal for my previous post I came across the Colossal Colon website and this fetching pic. The things that dogs have to do for a living these days. Only in America eh ?