This Standard Scottish Life

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.00 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17 however Le Chef, who is incapable of advising me in advance if he wants me to prepare delicious, yummy sandwiches no doubt spent extravagant amounts on some dry old bread thing at work.  He will not disclose how much exchanged hands.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• I had another cappucino with Fraulein Direktor while we discussed very very important work type stuff.  She bought the cappucino, so no cost to me.  And this gave me a cunning idea.  If I can get all my friends to buy me or make me food then Project Frugal will never have any outgoings.  Send food parcels everyone!
• My lunch was a jamon (that’s Spanish for jam eh .. I mean ham), cheese and lettuce sandwich and three little tomatoes.  My sandwich was prepared by my own fair paw.  Le Chef – gawd only knows what he had or how much it cost.  Harumph!
• green tea
• water and lots of it due to furious spin class with Captain Awesome
• another Le Chef prepared culinary delight of curious origin twas served ce soir.  It was quite good.  It looked like it had beans and potatoes and carrots in it.  It perhaps even had parsnips in there too. I thought my tea lacked a certain something so I stirred in mango chutney which as everyone knows is just middle class tomato ketchup.  The meal’s tastiness improved somewhat in a strange exotic fruit way.  I recommend putting mango chutney on everything.
  • Uninteresting factoid: the French regard the parsnip with disdain.  They only feed it to their horses.  A terribly waste I say, Terrible waste.  And I thought they knew something about food.
• Le Chef is still stuffing himself with Kershy Hisses.  They were a food parcel from Umerica so no purchase necessary.

Reflections on frugality

Oh dear, oh dear.  Off the wagon already.   This is no good.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£3.98 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• bacon sarnie & fried egg sarnie
• OJ
• Cappucino
• a peculiar meal of rice and something else which seemed to be vegetables and tasted a bit vinegary to me.  When I went into the kitchen later I saw the aftermath of the preparations for the peculiar meal.  The aftermath did not shine any light on what my tea was but there were big knives everywhere and a wok and vinegar.  While making our tea I can only think that Le Chef was distracted by The Archers or some shouty politician on Radio 4.
• green tea
• water
• huge meringue (mine was raspberry)
• Le Chef seemed to also eat an alarming number of Hershey Kisses without offering any to me.  But I don’t care coz Hershey Kisses are evil.  And I believe they have a laxative effect.  That’ll teach him!

Reflections on frugality

Last night, knowing that Project Frugal was about to commence the following day, moi et Le Chef ate steak.  There will be little or no meat during Project Frugal. Plain chocolate digestive biscuits were scoffed.  There will little or no sweet treats during Project Frugal unless I take up baking.  Mmmmm cupcakes.

Wot we spent on buying food:

£9.19  Total so far for Project Frugal £9.19

Wot we bought:

• OJ (3 x 0.69)
• Litre of semi-skinned (0.95)
• Garlic (0.59)
• Lemons (0.59)
• Onions (0.69)
• Potatoes (0.69)
• Leeks (0.64)
• Passata (0.44)
• Butternut squash (0.28)
• Mushy peas (0.17)
• Olives (0.59)
• Parsnips (0.49)
• Wholemeal bread (0.89)

Wot we ate:

• BLT sarnies
• OJ
• Cappucino
• Fresh tomato sauce with pasta
• Fried potatoes with onions and garlic
• Mint tea
• Water 

Reflections on frugality

Porridge. Budget food of kings.

Terrible financial mess, what.  Pensions gone. Savings sunk in Iceland.  Time for Project Frugal.

Project Frugal is an experiment by myself and Le Chef to eat modestly and cheaply in the way one might have during The Great Depression or food rationing times in the Second World War.  

The rules of Project Frugal are: 

1. Healthy things to eat are to be encouraged.  Damn!  I was hoping to live off chips and ketchup.
2. Eating only porridge and mushy peas every day is to be discouraged.  Damn!  If I can’t eat chips, ketchup, porridge and mushy peas what will I eat?  I can’t cook anything else …. except bacon sandwiches.  Right, I’ll eat bacon sandwiches.
3. There will be no excessive expenditure at the farmer’s market.  So that’ll be my bacon sandwiches gone then.   I’m not so sure of this Project Frugal malarky.
4. Cauliflower and brussel sprouts are not food.  Dog food probably isn’t food either.
5. Alcohol is allowed. But Champagne is not frugal.  Oh, alcohol is allowed.  Alcohol is food, isn’t it?  And mostly requires no cooking except perhaps Gluhwein.
6. Project will last two weeks.
7. Project starts 1 Nov 2008
8. A daily report of expenditure and meals will be reported.

Project Frugal ration book

He’s gone again, Le Chef.  He’s in Berlin eating sausages and drinking beer and talking to people about describing things.  But enough of him, what about me?  My Chef has gone.  What am I meant to eat?  I can only cook two things properly:

1. bacon rolls.  The ability to prepare bacon rolls is part of the genetic make-up of all people born in Skotchland.  And for those who come to live here from abroad or Engerland, well we splice in the bacon roll preparation gene at Gretna Green.
2. porridge.  Porridge is a recent addition to my extensive culinary repertoire.  Porridge is easy.  Put oats in pot, put some milk and water on oats.  Boil furiously for 5 mins.  Put vanilla flavoured caster sugar on top.  Eat.  The other day I had an unfortunate accident when I cooked porridge.  I made lots but coz I was in a rush I didn’t boil it furiously for 5 mins but ate it after 4.  And then I wondered why my tummy hurt so bad.  The porridge continued to expand.  In me!  Ouch.

“I can feel myself fading away …”

I am at death’s door [slight exaggeration with possible hints of melancholy and hypochondria] and worse than being stalked by Mr Ekerot is that I have lost my appetite. I don’t remember where I left it. I hate losing it, it’s worse than losing your keys. All I’ve had to eat today is a bacon roll. Oh no, that’s right, two bacon rolls, a glass of orange juice and a coffee. And an empire biscuit. And then there was some Le Chef prepared coleslaw and a wee bit of that rice thing. Some, ginger cordial too. But that’s hardly anything for me. I have a hearty appetite. Oh well, I suppose losing half an ounce won’t do me any harm.

And then what a depressing day.  This morning I got soaked in the rain again (that’s 3 times in 3 days). And this afternoon it was all Nazis and Japs, followed by a Spanish film with Mr Ekerot’s mate Max von Sydow. It’s a sign. A sign I tell you!

He’s here now.

At the door.

That guy with the scythe.

This is my last blog entry.

Good-bye cruel world.

What is that He is offering me ?

A glass of wine ?

Oh I feel much better now.

Piss off Mr Death and go cut the grass with that thing.

… I was in Mediocre & ‘Spensive tonight and while looking for booze I saw a tub of Organic Chicken Chunks in Jelly.  It was dog food.  Why do dogs need organic anything?  They are dogs! They don’t care what they eat.  Come on … they eat their own vomit and lick their arses! Oh, that’s right, middle class dogs have high standards and are a bit fussy about the source of their food.  I wonder if they worry about fair trade, food miles and the carbon foot print of their farts ?
Inspired by a Gussie forwarded Guardian article.  And I am not joking about the Organic Chicken Chunks in Jelly.  It was very tasty with a glass of Reisling.

… it was at the veggie patch today. I was sweating over the weeding, but not in my garden. I don’t like to weed in my garden anymore, I like to weed other people’s. Two hours of weeding Derek’s allotment and I was happy (he put up my greenhouse so I traded weeding in return). But I was weeding in my t-shirt and now my arms are burned! Ouch! And not only are my arms burned but also a little strip on my back. Double ouch!

(I don’t think the water skier is really a water skier. I think he’s a Rocky Horror Picture Show extra from Florida.)
While on a break from the weeding and being fed and watered on choccie biscuits and Fanta orange I got chatting to Rab. He told me that he didn’t like to use pesticides on his garden coz he practised Dharma and was a Buddhist. I told him about Hotboy and his hut meditations.

So it’s dharmic not organic gardening! Do all allotments have Buddhists ? Is it the rules ? I am clearly almost nearly a buddhist coz today practised:

• right actions – eeeding other person’s garden
• right livelihood – I ate thinnings of my lettuce crop and no meat (except a small slug by accident). I’m not sure if Hagen Daas ice cream counts as right livelihood tho
• right exercise – I cycled to my garden
• as for the other 5, well they are hard and I’ll get to them tomorrow

… did I mention the Saab convertible before ? Oh I didn’t ? Well I had one – just for three days. It was gorgeous and so was I as I drove with Le Chef through Perthshire and the south Lothians countryside. We were all wind swept and gorgeously gorgeous and frozen to the marrow with the roof down, scoffing cannoli as you do a la Godfather or was it a la Sopranos ?

Kasugai peas.

Ouch!

Clears the sinuses

and kills all known germs.

Dead!

Will also make you cry for your mummy.

Mr and Mrs Imelda are devotees.