This Standard Scottish Life

…. of 2009.

1. Horseradish.  I took up eating this root in a big way.  I put it on my sandwiches, on my potatoes, on cheese, on oatcakes & salmon.  Also extended my wasabi (wasabi is just foreign-ish for horseradish) intake, in particular wasabi peas.  Fortunately I have stomach of ox so can wolf loads of horseradish with no ill effect.  This news just in: plan to grow a horseradish in my garden next year.
2. Spotify.  OMG it’s the best thing ever to happen to music since the iPod was invented.  I even took out a subscription and can now download tunes to my iPhone and computa.  I love Spotify.
3. Talking of the iPhone …. the iPhone.  It’s the best!
4. Oysters.  love them. Love them. LOVE them.  But not a dozen.  That’s too many and can cause the drastic-gastric.
5. Lochinver.  It’s North.  It’s restful.  And the sun always shines there except when it rains and when it snows.


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6. Le Chef obviously.  Well I have to say that, don’t I?  Although he has not extended his skills to include oyster and horseradish preparations.  He will need to improve me thinks.
7. No more Mr George Dubya Bush.  Who?
8. Appellation Wines, the new wine shop near my house.  It has Cremant d’Alsace, the official Nectar of The Gods.  Crement d’Alsace is  the new prosecco (and prosecco was previously the new cava, which itself was the new champagne).
9. Prezi for presentations.  I’m always trying to make my presentations better.  Prezi helps one escape shackles of PowerPoint or at least teach a different way to do things. Beware of making audience puke due to over use of zoom-i-fication tho’.
10. Initial weed to veggie patch deployment of garden.  Having retired the allotment, grew tonnes of potatoes in my garden and a gladioli.  Next year further fine vegetable will be grown. Mibe.

The amazingly brilliant Gmaps Pedometer says.  You can eat as much as you like.  Even if the Gmaps Pedometer is half right I can still stuff myself with cake and pie and potatoes and porridge and perhaps a small vegetable tonight.  

But before any high calorie content can enter my mouth I promptly fall asleep on the floor.  Such is the energy draining route that Monsieur Le Oignon Sweaty devised for us as part of our Etape training.

I like porridge.  I like porridge a lot.  I like it coz it’s one of the few things I can cook well.  I can also cook bacon rolls, a medium rare steak and fresh tomato sauce quite well.  Pretty nifty on the deep fried Mars Bar too.  I hardly starve.

So I eat porridge every weekday for breakfast. No porridge consumed on the weekend unless cycling is required.

I also eat Stoatie Bars lots too. They’re kinda like hard porridge but with bits in them like macadamia nuts, raspberries, goji berries (yuch to healthy).

Sometimes I get oaty biscuits as snacks.

Porridge, oats, oatmeal.  Yum.

And now there is porridge soap.  And of course I have some.  It’s vegan don’t you know but not so good to eat.

That what it says in my book.  

Conditioning.  Conditioning is the key to successful cycle training.

My book also says things like Periodisation, Neuromuscular Recruitment Patterns and Substrate Utilisation but I don’t like to look at those pages coz … well … on those pages are vary scary graphs mostly going straight up.

In yea olden days conditioning was called stamina.  And I am now in training to be more stamina-ed (stamina-ished?) on my bicycle for the preparation of L’Etape du Caledonian.

 I love conditioning, it is the most easy of exercise.  The conditioning program goes something like this:

1. attach heart monitor to cyclist in training (that’s me)
2. sit on sofa
3. complete 20 minute warm up by reading the cartoons and travel section of The Guardian newspaper
4. on completing warm up read chapter in cycle training book on conditioning for 4 minutes keeping heart rate below 150 beats per minute (bpm).  If heart rate goes over 150 bpm stop reading and stare into space for a wee bit til heart rate recovers
5. repeat number 4 above three times for a full conditioning work out
6. warm down for 20 minutes by watching Neighbours
7. nutrition is an important component of the conditioning training regime so within 10 minutes of completing warm down be sure to intake appropriate carbohydrates and protein (ham and cheese sandwich and some chocolate) and of course it’s important to balance electrolytes (i.e. drink quite a lot of beer which is a well know electrolyte balancer).  NB the conditioning workout leads to considerable fatigue so the cyclist in training should have others prepare their post workout nutrition.

Is it safe? I whisper to Le Chef.

I think so.  Let’s go now.

We get up toute d’suite and run, run, run to the supermarket to get supplies for the week.

Hurry up Le Chef, hurry up.  Some of them might come out early.  Quick.

We zoom round the supermarket and scurry home, close the door and lock it.  We are safe.

This scene occurs every Sunday morning at Chez nous.  The bells of that hulking great scaffold covered cathedral on Palmerston Place toll to advise the Christians to get on the pews for their weekly soul saving.  But given that Scottish Christians are just as lazy as Scottish agnostics / anaesthisists atheistists atheists / trainee buddhists, they leave getting to the church on time til the last moment.  This means the streets are unsafe as Christian cars career towards places of worship.   One must time ones shopping accordingly and only venture out between the calling to church bells and the get oot your saved for another week but please try be good and not do that thing that you know you shouldn’t do and don’t shout at the telly either coz that’s not nice exit bells.

If you do not live within earshot of christian bells I recommend you do your shopping online otherwise you may meet your maker while merely trying to procure your Sunday luncheon.

Wot we spent on buying food:

The store cupboard becomes bare.  Supplies required.  It’s off to the supermarket we go.

£19.03 Total so far for this week £19.03 and overall Project Frugal £47.94

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• cappuccino
• OJ
• 2 slices of toast
• bratwurst sandwich
• exotic drink of lemon, grenadine and sugar
• roast squash, potato salad, mushy peas (yum), bratwurst
• exotic drink adapted into amazing cure for the cold: lemon, sugar, hot water, ibuprofen

Reflections on frugality

I grow weary of Project Frugal but forge on regardless [sigh].

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.99 Total so far for Project Frugal £28.91. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches.  

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• cheese, jamon and lettuce sandwich and three tomatoes
• water and lots of it
• tea and biscuit (free at The Architect’s House.  I have become increasingly confident at just inviting myself around to friend’s house as a means of keep the project’s outgoings down.  If I arrive at your house unexpectedly you’ll know what to do).
• huge feed at the Chinese restaurant (expenses for the eating out are not part of Project Frugal)
• a million chocolate eclairs

Reflections on frugality

Week 1 of Project Frugal is over and I believe twas moderately successful.  We spent a grand total of £28.91 on food all week, although I expect the truth is closer to £50 due to Le Chef’s expensive sandwiches that he doesn’t tell me about.

Still, savings could be made.  There’s no need to be buying huge meringues, chocolate eclairs, cola and sandwiches for lunch.  Tea and Sympathy was an extravagance but a necessary one.  I reckon you could get it down to about £20.

Only five days in and Project Frugal is derailing.  This is due to:

• certain members of the Project Frugal team not entering into the true spirit of the endeavor
  • Le Chef! What’s that bottle of cola doing here?  That’s an unnecessary extravagance! What’s wrong with drinking water? I have not drunk any of it as I have self control (well at least a little) unlike some people.
• An emergency which required immediate abandonment of all frugality.
  • OMG! Fraulein Direktor’s bicycle was stolen today.  She was rightly traumatised by the loss of the beloved commuting bike.  Appropriate application of tea and sympathy was administered.  Well, not tea and sympathy but more coffee, rhubarb tart and empire biscuits and sympathy too.
• the threat of inappropriate recycling of leftovers
  • Oh Le Chef,  you didn’t eat your porridge.
  • No but I put it in the pasta sauce.
  • We’re having porridge pasta for tea?  I’m off to the chippie!

Wot we spent on buying food:

£10.70 Total so far for Project Frugal £23.87. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches.  Full disclosure is not forthcoming.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino (not Le Chef)
• porridge (not Le Chef)
• macchiato empire biscuit as part of tea and sympathy
• salami, jarlsberg and salsa sandwich
• chocolate raisins (free. Thanks Flora)
• decaf coffee (free. thanks work)
• hot chocolate (free. thanks work)
• porridge pasta.  Actually Le Chef he did pull my leg about putting porridge in the pasta sauce.  But the pasta sauce did contain the bean stew that I couldn’t finish last night.  In fact the pasta sauce tasted like chili con carne without the carne bit.  I did ask why we didn’t have it on rice only to learn that there is no rice left.  Shopping list then…
• water and lots of it
• white tea with camomile and cinnamon (free. Thanks Imelda)
• carrot cake (free. Thanks Dr Soapbox)
• tea type tea (Free. Thanks Gussie and Roderick)

Reflections on frugality

I was secretly hoping for a fluffy cheese and tomato omlette for tea tonight but the ongoing saga of the recycled bean stew continues.  Tis getting tastier.

Just buy the ruddy oats!

Wot we spent on buying food:

£0.00 Total so far for Project Frugal £13.17. Le Chef continues to go his own way on his extravagant lunches but on the other hand I am particularly frugal.  This is because I am 100% Scottish and Le Chef is only half Scottish.

Wot we bought:

Wot we ate:

• OJ
• Cappuccino
• porridge
• black coffee (thanks work)
• free macchiato and free italian biscuit.  Thanks Boss!
• My lunch was a jamon (that’s Spanish for jam eh .. I mean ham), cheese and lettuce sandwich and three little tomatoes.  Are you noticing a certain pattern to breakfast and lunch?
• decaf coffee (thanks work)
• hot chococlate (thanks work)
• green tea
• water and lots of it
• that thing Le Chef made last night has morphed into something else.  There is some chorizo in there now that he found at the back of the fridge and there’s definitely more beans.  The taste is very good now.
• two polo mints pinched from Le Chef when he wasn’t looking.  I first learned to pinch my papa’s polos when I was only five.

Reflections on frugality

This having others pay for your food and drinks is a great lark. I wonder if I can get it to extend to a huge  plate of free sashimi and 2 free bottles of Asahi.   Free drinks can be hazardous and lead to over indulgence on caffeine.

The porridge problem has not been resolved.  Someone is going to get a smack.