My iTouch can update TSSL. How clever is that. Code+Apple>Poetry

I’m sprawled on the floor as usual.  Lovely Mac in paw.  I jump up. I jump up quicker than is natural for someone of my advancing agedness.  I move very, very swiftly.  I am on the sofa in a nanosecond.  I stand on the sofa a nanosecond later.  Le Chef pays no heed.  He’s busy slaying Macedonian phalangites in Rome Total War on that contraption PC. I have some slaying to do myself coz the reason for my jumpiness is not the ….

very

very

small

but in fact

very

Very

VERY

LARGE

ginormous

SPIDER

that just stopped on my newspaper.  A-ha.  I have a plan.  A cunning plan.  I gulp down my beer.  I put my beer glass over the spider.  He seems quite happy.  There’s still some beer in there. Well, it is Friday night after all.

Time passes …..

Centurion Le Chef has concluded his culling of the Carthaginians. It is Le Chef’s job to put the spider out.  He informs me that through misplacement of the glass I have crushed one of the spider’s legs.  I wonder if spiders can feel pain.  I ask Le Chef if he thinks the spider will be OK.  

No, not really coz I am going to feed it to the neighbour’s cat now. 

She came home.  Haggis.  She didn’t go to Siberia.  She just had fun on carousels at Heathrow for the afternoon.  She’s out there in the hall now in bits.  All I have to do is rebuild her.  Isn’t that a man’s job?

 Oi! Le Chef! Get yer allen key oot!  Ooh. Eer.  Missus.

I once got similarly separated from a pair of ski boots.  I checked them in at Denver Airport and they didn’t ever arrive at Glasgow Airport.  When the baggage staff traced them for me they were in Honolulu.  I think my ski boots were trying to tell me summat.